Sex and relationships today can be unnerving. And can even leave a mark on owns own health. From starting off on my sexual journey, sex was freakin’ awesome. Open, free to everything, an exhilirating feeling of one’s own feminine body. But then something happened, a break, a time where sex turned to shit. Rough, aggressive, demoralised sex thrown upon the body, not knowing the reprocussions held before me.
And now on to my most recent experiences, where sex had become somewhat painful, although I was with a man I loved and who loved me. Where was this coming from you might ask? Well, according to lawyer, turned Holistic Practioner/Sex Educator Diana Richardson, ´Each unpleasant sexual experience leaves a cellular imprint, a memory in the cells of the body, that creates a subtle barrier and layer of protection.´(1) I can attest to this in so many ways. A pattern of disconnected, aggressive, almost on the edge of abusive sex created a wall, a barrier inside myself. A rough, protective shield (vaginal muscle) that had known more of the demoralising, disheartening, unmindful sex, than the beautiful, connected, expanding, mindful love making. One never really knows about this pain until you start becoming aware of your body through sensual, loving , meaningful sex. The love making process eventually turned less and less painful, as both of us became more aware of ourselves and each other. Another synonymous word for this cellular imprint is Epigenetics. According to Dr. Rachel Yehuda, `It is the idea that when something bad happens to you there is this generated biological response.´(2)
There is a beautiful response to this imprint. Men and women need to be in touch with their bodys and be aware of the other. Slow down if you need to, check in with one another to make sure everything is ok. If not, change it, or stop. And no, meaningful sex does not mean we need to have slow sex everytime we make love so as we dont cause pain. It just means we need to do things with awareness, love and support. Then growth, healing and unending, deepening love comes into each one of us and overflows out into the world. Here is a beautiful look into what meaningful sex is all about
- Diana Richardson, Tantric Orgasm for Women (Vermont:Destiny Books, 2004) Ch.5, pg.60; Ch.6, pg. 72
- Pamela Madsen, The Effect Of Stress And Trauma On Female Sexuality, Huffpost,