The Brave Adventure of Life and Love through the eyes of the Neuro-divergent: Relationships on the Spectrum

 

Aspergers/Autism is on the rise. It is something that is challenging, yet beautifully exhibited among 1% of the global community, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2014.(Austism Society) And has been on the increase since 2000 (CDC)

Aspergers is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. As I am Aspergian, I can attest to what some of the issues are. And maybe just maybe give you a feel for what it is like for an Aspie if you are neuro-typical. For the most part, people who have Aspergers are highly intellectual with many talents with in, yet have a social ineptness that one would find relationships, the ability to make connections, that much more challenging then for the average person. It is like going to a party and not knowing what to do, who to talk to, where to even begin. Its so chaotic that most of the time I would just leave and call it quits. Or perhaps, remember  in the school yard when you were playing double dutch (jump rope) with a few of your friends and the one that has to jump in just doesn’t know when, how. The odd- one -out, the ‘outsider looking in’. They just seem to miss the beat. Another challenge is laughing out loud about something that wasn’t funny, or laughed a bit after the joke was said. I remember a time back in High School in History class, as I just burst out laughing after someone had been sick in the classroom. I was laughing uncontrollably and actually had to go down to the counselor and talk about why I had disrupted the class. We also have sensory integration issues, such as too much light, sound, scratchy fabrics, all these things that makes our senses that much heightened, thus making us more uncomfortable. These issues come from a neurological miss-wiring, or rather different wiring than the masses. Therefore, Aspies see life differently and must learn the tools that normal brains can process on an everyday basis.

In terms of Sex and Intimacy, its even that much more challenging for us. I have had a couple of experiences with my present love, in which sometimes I misperceive/misinterpret what he says or doesn’t say (body language). For example, I ask him, “you look sad, is everything ok?” He says,” I am fine”. Or rather when we are intimate, and I have issues with too much vaginal stimulation. We are in the moment and conscious of the other, yet sometimes its too much sensation for me and just cant bear to even say anything, stop, or slow down. At that point I cant even enjoy this sensual, orgasmic pleasure that is given. It makes me want to cry and ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me?

But never fear…there are ways that we can help each other. Relationships are hard for everybody around the world, but even that much more challenging for those on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum. Here are just a few ways we can manage (typical –non-typical relationship)

  • Try to use direct language
  • Be adaptable/understanding
  • Jot down in a notebook/journal observations about own sexual experiences in response to stimuli. Ask yourself what works/what doesn’t work. Also write about the emotional side of the relationship
  • When you are in the loving mood, try to  set boundaries, clear beginning/middle/end

As I grew up with having exhibited traits of Autism/Aspergers, and having challenges in school and in love, I can truly accept who I am. I am not defined by this, it is a journey to be had, lessons to be learned, everyday. I am amazed at myself and at how others grow and learn to adapt throughout life to take on the world. All I want, all everyone wants, is the ability to connect, love, and show their true light. And hopefully this sheds the light on how important it is to be open to people from all walks of life.

Autism Society, Facts and Statistics, http://www.autism-society.org/what-is/facts-and-statistics/,  26/08/2015

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