Baring it All:The Rawness of Sexuality&Relating

A safe, honest, comfortable space where one can strip themselves bare with love, acceptance and anonymity. Where one can speak openly about how they help their relationship move forward, and also struggles one may have. And Where we all can learn and relate from the stories of others from around the world. WE ARE ONE!!

   Guidelines

  •  All stories are kept anonymous, confidential
  • People can can also write, express through art, and music about their opinions on the subject. Its all about boundaries here, and what you feel comfortable with
  • WE do not judge others
  • Everyone is accepted here

            

Dear Journal,                                                                           London, UK

Today I had an incredible meeting. I was a little nervous, but not really. I thought about leaving to go home, but then I received a msg from Andrew. It felt familiar, like I had somehow met this person before and even more than that , a connection that I had never felt before. We shared great conversation, tea and pics. Since then we have met up about 5 more times and its always amazing. Dates have gone by and its been the most far-out connection I have ever felt with one guy. But how does it change from the first meeting to the last one thus far. The energy is there, but its difficult to think if he likes me or not, or what will happen in the future. I must stop thinking about the future, I said to myself, and just enjoythe togetherness. He found out that I somehow like him, which is true, yet he is not ready for something as he just got out of a relationship. Its hard to take, yet there is something there I cant logically explain. He has shown me how good it is to share things in common. How I feel that he is on my level. He is not perfect, but I believe we can bring out the best in one another. Adventure, fun, challenge, boundaries are what I see at the moment. If it works out for us then thats great, if not then nothing is lost. Just part of growing and venturing on my journey.



My Army Man                                                                        NY/FL, USA

In December 2015, I had decided I was going to move to Florida. I had already told all my friends and loved ones I was considering moving. There was only one person whom if they asked, could stop me from leaving. I called this lover of mine, My Army Man. He was in a small town, out of the way from all who knew me, making him the perfect little escape I needed. At first it was like the “Fuck Me Like You Hate Me Song”, Him sneaking me to his room to do the nasty, me inviting him over, setting up the spare room with a standing mirror so  Icould watch this hot, muscles rippling, sweat glistening off of his chiseled chest Army man do me doggy like there was no tomorrow.(the mirror was working until I got my period in the middle, we both looked down, see a red dick, and I jump out of the room in embarrassment. But that didn’t matter, we continued to see each other once or twice a week. We continued this way for about 5 years)

One of my things was to give his battle ridden body an hr long massage everytime we saw each other. The week before I was to leave for Florida, I paid for the two of us to get 1 hr long massages together at a massage place. My final goodbye present to him before, waht I thought, was the last time I was going to see My Army Man. After the massage, he drove me to the Walmart and introduced me to this chick Stephanie. When he inttroduced me to herI felt that was a sign that I could say goodbye and move to Florida without any regrets. His heart was with someone else.

During this time one of my customers, who came in for lunch every work day, gave me his number and asked me to hang out. Since I was leaving for Florida, I ignored him at first, thinking to myself, why make a new friend when I’m leaving? He messages me one final time that it would be the last time he asked to hang out and then he would give up. So I decided to invite him over with a few friends to hang out. He was a mechanic, dirty hands, big muscles,curly long black hair in a pony tail. Not at all what I expected considering he was always dressed for the snowy weather. We hung out a few times, and then like a Hollywood movie,  the first kiss happened unexpectedly. Fast forward to: It’s time to move to Florida, he decides he loves me and will move with me to Florida. Wether it was that Army Man didn’t ask me to stay but showed me the other woman, or I was afraid to move to a different state and be all alone, I’m not sure, maybe a combination of the 2. So the Mechanic moves to Florida with me. This man was all about pleasing every inch of a woman, every womens ideal dream of a night in shining armor. Great lover, great listener, defended my honor when rumors were spread. It was almost as if he had saved me mentally and physically.

After 7 months, what I thought was food poisoning, ended up being I was pregnant with the Mechanics child. Once he found out that I was pregnant, he showed me his true colors with a moments notice. Hot, sweaty, sensual sex, turned to an order. He had to have sex 3 times a day no matter how I felt. One night I fell asleep watching a movie, before we had had the going to bed sex. About 3am he wakes me up, makes me sit outside to watch him smoke a cigarette, and proceeds to ask me how I’m feeling. I knew where this was going immediately..So immediately ask him “Why would you wake me up to ask me how I’m feeling? I was feeling better because I was asleep. You just don’t know I’m feeling because you wasnt sex.” He tried to guilt trip me, telling me I was a horrible person for thinking that. We go back and forth, he forces me to smoke a cigarette with him, then lets me go back to bed…After, you guessed it, we had sex. I should have thrown up on him, but alas the opportunity has escaped me.

Because I am a strong woman, I stood up for myself, never gave in the mind games, and fought as hard as I could when he would bear hug me and trap me in a room until I agreed he was right, or grab me by the arm and stand in front of the door so I could not fight my way out. I was 10 weeks pregnant and 7 mnths into this relationship, when the “nice guy” dissipated and held my friend hostage, in her own kitchen, until she agreed that he was right. It was one thing for him to do it to me, but another to do it to my best friend. I got between the two of them and kicked him out for good. End of that story is, he did not want to leave and decided it was a good idea to beat me, encasing his 10 wk old child inside me. I had 7 bruises throughout my body and he had a fucked up face. The next week I decided that my first child was going to be born into a loving family, not to a man who would beat the child and me to control me. I got an abortion to save my baby from this monster.

But I learned something, I learned that sometimes the greatest sex of your life, is not worth the price you pay with your mind and body. I almost lost myself for the sake of pleasing an abusive, controlling man. I had even gone as far as to block Army Man on Facebook because this monster had asked me to prove my love by not being Army Man’s friend anymore. I cried for hours when Army Man answered my friend request right away and asked “so do I have my friend back.” Those were the happiest words I could have ever read. I went back to NY for the abortion and the first person I drove to was My Army Man.

Now its 2018, and My Army Man and I are happily married with a 6 mnth old boy. And he is wonderful with his son. I couldn’t ask for a better father. He works hard to support us, he pulls me close at night, kisses me, fucks me, makes love to me, comforts me, takes time to be understanding, loves to adventure with me, always communicates,and most importantly, tries to make me happy. He doesn’t order me around or demand sex. Army Man is my Hero and proof that wishes do come true. Proof that a loving man, husband, and father is out there.

No amount of awesome, mind blowing sex, can make up for the demoralization of yourself. All women deserve the love and intimacy of an Army Man. Never let The Mechanic change who you are and you will find your knight in shining armor like I did.

If you are interested in taking part or would like more info about this project please do contact me: love_with_awareness@zoho.eu