Happy, Sexy, Conscious Valentine’s Day 2019

A Tantralizing, Sexy Valentines Surprise!!


Recipe for a tantralizing, Conscious Chocolate

  • Take one dark purple sky, twinkling stars and with the warmth of summer, or otherwise a precious moment in time
  • Silently observe yourself and your lover in the silhouette on the earth
  • Look deeply into their eyes and say “hello, namaste, I see you as a reflection of myself”
  • Build a fragrant wood fire burning cedar and sage
  • Slowly unwrap the lush, fair trade, organic, (gluten-free, egg-free) chocolate cake (that you lovingly prepared earlier) made with the most delicious ground almond paste and deep rich and moist, thick, lickable chocolate icing
  • Cut a double slice
  • Hold it to the air in triumph and gratitude,
  • Open some champagne (or appropriate locally produced beverage)
    to celebrate together life’s goodness and joy
  • Crush the cake and spread some on your lovers body
  • Allowing crumbs to fall where they may, be playful, make a mess
  • Let go and enjoy the moment.
  • Enjoy.
  • Bliss

Valentines Day…, A day to remind us that we are love.  Love is not something to attain, its been with us always, and will be with us forever. We are UNIVERSAL LOVERS.

Happy New Year 2019!

happy-new-year8

Wishing you all a very happy NEW YEAR filled with lots of love, peace and moving forward with life and letting go of what is not needed anymore. I don’t like or use the word ´Resolution` as we tend to be enthusiastic at first and then fuck it. I can’t do this anymore. I see the New Year as an opportunity for change and process. It’s about what we would like to see different in ourselves and in the world, that which does not serve us anymore and what steps, what processes do we take to get there. And in the end if we mess up a bit, its ok. WE all make mistakes. We just need to pick ourselves up, dust off the shoulders and continue onwards.

`You and I are the force for transformation in the world. We are the consciousness that will define the nature of the reality we are moving into´ Ram Dass

HO! Ho! Ho! Meaningful Sex & Intimacy Gifts to enjoy this Holiday Season

index

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy, health, present Holiday Season. May you be calm, mindful, loving and take time to reflect about the year you/we have had. And of course have a bit of fun to!!!

Here is a list of Recommended Eco-Friendly, Conscious-Minded Sex and Intimacy Gifts to Celebrate the Holiday Season With:

  1. Leaf Vibrators- Brilliant!! Tried and Tested!!Eco-friendly, No Plastics, Waterproof, USB charger included and sent in a beautiful paper(not Plastic) box- http://leafvibes.com
  1. Make Love Speak Love Board Game- One of the most heart-warming games out there, with hrs of Fun, playing with intimacy both physically and through meaningful conversation(Tried and Tested)                                                                  https://www.amazon.com/speak-love-make-romantic-game/dp/B001PRAEBC
  1. And how about trying some eco-friendly, natural latex bound condoms that don’t contain harmful chemicals like spermicidals, benzocaine and nonoxynol this Holiday Season!! Great for the body and the environment!!(Tried and Tested) https://www.fairsquared.info

 4. Vertellis Relationship Edition- Brilliant cards that get people talking in a deep and   meaningful way, beyond the chit-chat, thus creating a fun way to move forward in life and in love (Tried and Tested)

https://vertellis.com/products/vertellis-relationship-edition

        5. And of course, Margot Anand’s New book, Love, Sex and Awakening…Have not   read it, but added on to my list to Santa!!

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Sex-Awakening-Journey-Spiritual/dp/0738751715/

I will be on a well deserved break until the New Year. And just so you know, this time of year can be hectic and crazy at times. Just remember to breath, take a step back if needed and just be.. Peace and Love Allways

Shanei

Make the Earth your Lover, Not just your Mother: The Truth behind Ecosexuality(The Ecosexual)

So…after weeks and weeks of researching conscious/meaningful topics, this one blew my mind. I sent an article to my partner and he sarcastically says, “so now are going to go out and masturbate with the trees”..Well no, not exactly.

Ecosexuality is an art form, a theory, a social movement which involves the connection between sex and nature. The same way using fossil fuels, plastics, etc..affects climate change. Ecosexuality is about being consciously aware of how using certain sex and intimacy products as well as how we make love affects the world at large. Its a way of changing our behaviour as an individual, reconnecting with nature and our own bodies to affect global change. The Ecosexual takes many forms, from physically making love to the Earth, masturbating in the mud to being naked in nature and choosing eco-centered sex toys. We begin to see that every choice we make has a direct global impact. And speaking on the issue of sex toys, in a study from 2001, Chemist Hans Ulrich Krieg “showed that the chemical composition of many sex toys is incredibly toxic,  more toxic than anything he had seen in more than 10 years of analyzing consumer products.  The sex toys tested contained 10 or more hazardous chemicals, including “extraordinarily high”(1) amounts of di(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate (DEHP). In plain and simple terms: these chemicals are bad and pollute our bodies and the earth. Math and science, eh, not the most easiest of things to understand, but more important now then ever and puts into perspective of just how important it is to learn how to be more aware of what we put inside out bodies, as well as the environment. Remember: Earth doesn’t just take care of us, we have to take care of her as well. Its a two way street.

Overall, ecosexuality has its extremes and may even disturb some, but in the end its truly about respecting ourselves and others. A way of reaching out and reconnecting with nature in a conscious, mindful way. Its about becoming aware of the affects of our sexual lives. Whether through buying eco sex toys, condoms, etc..being aware of how we make love to reconnecting our body with nature in an erotic way. At the end of the day, ecosexuality is a way of peacefully, consciously evolving into a better future for all.

  1. Zach Biesanz, Dildos, Artificial Vaginas, and Phthalates: How Toxic Sex Toys Illustrate a Broader Problem for Consumer Protection, 25 Law& Ineq. 203 (2007).

From Avoidance to Understanding: Waking up to Men & Menstruation 2.0

For many years, most men have avoided the dreaded topic of the PERIOD/Menstruation. From Patriarchal society to Religions and everything in between, enough is enough!! I like to think we are moving into a higher state of awareness as a global society and now is the time to wake up, evolve and take part of what it means to be a man today. Open, loving, understanding and accepting of the feminine woman in this stage of life. A shift in time from when the older generation expected the woman to take care of her monthly duties, like it was a chore. Most men today have no clue and no upbringing on the topic of how to jive with the feminine and that time of the month. Not to fear, time is a changin…

When a woman bleeds, she is in a state of renewal, shedding physical and emotional imprints from the past that were laid upon her, now no longer needed. A chance to start a fresh with life, sex, and intimacy with herself and her lover. And of course, its a time to celebrate the ability to create and hold life in the womb. Now is the time to become aware of the actions one takes, either to become unaware of whats going, avoid, get angry/annoyed or to take the higher road, and take time to understand whats going on. To see the beauty in all her blood and glory. Now, in my own life, I have had a very contradictory, bumpy road when dealing with my period . Over the years I detested it, felt that I was and should be on my on with it. Past and present partners looked at me like “Babe, this is your thing” , allways thinking that I smelled or was dirty, and that my womanly time of the month was nothing more than irrational outbursts, cramping and blood. Yet, in my heart I always knew there was something deeper going on. A companion of mine, Shakti Sundari, coach of love and sacred sexuality and mother of 2, recently shared her take on raising a son on the topic. She states that, “its simple, nothing is hidden. I am myself. He has seen my sanitary products and moon cup. He’s seen my blood collected in cups and put on altar.” If we start teaching, or rather guiding from a young age, then perhaps men will have an understanding of the importance and gratitude given during this meaningful time and not distance themselves from this special(sacred for the progs) time in a womans life.

Here are some tips to help from a man’s and woman’s point of view:

He Said:

  1. No joking while she’s experiencing discomfort: It’s ok to make her laugh, laughter is good medicine BUT do not joke about it being “that time of the month again”.
  2. Know her cycle: By knowing her cycle, you can be more aware and sensitive to her changing moods and physical discomfort. This develops a deeper trust as your woman knows you are really present with what she is experiencing.
  3. Her changing libido: When premenstrual, her hormone level shifts. This hormonal flip can mean “she isn’t horny for you!” Interestingly, having an orgasm can relieve menstrual cramps, though your attitude during the whole cycle will determine whether or not she’s willing to explore this.
  4. Don’t run away from her emotions;
  5. Don’t try to fix her; The first thing I do is get my Fiancee a hot water bottle. She LOVES this. other great ideas include; complimenting her, being kind, helping out with chores (this should always be the case, but usually isn’t). Help create a cozy environment for her, and cook her comfort food. The main thing is to not be an ass.

*Bonus tip for the super progressive guy: Her monthly bleeding cycle is a sacred flow exhibiting the power of women in their ability to birth a being from within. Shower her with respect for the intensity of what she undergoes every month. To view a woman’s period as a time of renewal and great creativity is an honoring. (Zat Baraka, Good Men Project)

She Said:

  1. Engage in effective communcation-listening, instead of blaming
  2. Have a plan on how you can deal with PMS-remember its important to take care of yourself during this time to. Perhaps do some meditation, exercise, boys night out to balance emotions, and healthy eating
  3. Share in intimacy/love-making if/when appropriate. Sex can actually help cramping and is a great way to engage in loving, slow connection. This is not the time to run off, but a time to honour the timeless beauty of the feminine and what capabilities generate within her

Women: It is important for all women to understand themselves and what they need during this time, not always the man. Be present and aware of how much beauty is held within at this time. Through renewal and awareness, we can guide men to a better understanding of the feminine, creating better relationships, thus effecting the world as we know it.

Zat Baraka, 5 Manly Ways to Support a Woman’s Period, The Good Men Project, 07/29/14

 

The Brave Adventure of Life and Love through the eyes of the Neuro-divergent: Relationships on the Spectrum

 

Aspergers/Autism is on the rise. It is something that is challenging, yet beautifully exhibited among 1% of the global community, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2014.(Austism Society) And has been on the increase since 2000 (CDC)

Aspergers is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. As I am Aspergian, I can attest to what some of the issues are. And maybe just maybe give you a feel for what it is like for an Aspie if you are neuro-typical. For the most part, people who have Aspergers are highly intellectual with many talents with in, yet have a social ineptness that one would find relationships, the ability to make connections, that much more challenging then for the average person. It is like going to a party and not knowing what to do, who to talk to, where to even begin. Its so chaotic that most of the time I would just leave and call it quits. Or perhaps, remember  in the school yard when you were playing double dutch (jump rope) with a few of your friends and the one that has to jump in just doesn’t know when, how. The odd- one -out, the ‘outsider looking in’. They just seem to miss the beat. Another challenge is laughing out loud about something that wasn’t funny, or laughed a bit after the joke was said. I remember a time back in High School in History class, as I just burst out laughing after someone had been sick in the classroom. I was laughing uncontrollably and actually had to go down to the counselor and talk about why I had disrupted the class. We also have sensory integration issues, such as too much light, sound, scratchy fabrics, all these things that makes our senses that much heightened, thus making us more uncomfortable. These issues come from a neurological miss-wiring, or rather different wiring than the masses. Therefore, Aspies see life differently and must learn the tools that normal brains can process on an everyday basis.

In terms of Sex and Intimacy, its even that much more challenging for us. I have had a couple of experiences with my present love, in which sometimes I misperceive/misinterpret what he says or doesn’t say (body language). For example, I ask him, “you look sad, is everything ok?” He says,” I am fine”. Or rather when we are intimate, and I have issues with too much vaginal stimulation. We are in the moment and conscious of the other, yet sometimes its too much sensation for me and just cant bear to even say anything, stop, or slow down. At that point I cant even enjoy this sensual, orgasmic pleasure that is given. It makes me want to cry and ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me?

But never fear…there are ways that we can help each other. Relationships are hard for everybody around the world, but even that much more challenging for those on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum. Here are just a few ways we can manage (typical –non-typical relationship)

  • Try to use direct language
  • Be adaptable/understanding
  • Jot down in a notebook/journal observations about own sexual experiences in response to stimuli. Ask yourself what works/what doesn’t work. Also write about the emotional side of the relationship
  • When you are in the loving mood, try to  set boundaries, clear beginning/middle/end

As I grew up with having exhibited traits of Autism/Aspergers, and having challenges in school and in love, I can truly accept who I am. I am not defined by this, it is a journey to be had, lessons to be learned, everyday. I am amazed at myself and at how others grow and learn to adapt throughout life to take on the world. All I want, all everyone wants, is the ability to connect, love, and show their true light. And hopefully this sheds the light on how important it is to be open to people from all walks of life.

Autism Society, Facts and Statistics, http://www.autism-society.org/what-is/facts-and-statistics/,  26/08/2015

Loss of Libido & Depression

complicatedvalentines-erika-price-magnum

Bobby Sims

Recently, my partner and I have become very disconnected from Sex and Intimacy. He says, `its because I’m depressed and deflated, worn out to the core. How do you expect me to have meaningful sexual/intimate relations when I can’t even feel at the moment.´

Today in a world where everything is unknown from one day to the next, whether personal or professional, Depression and Stress are on the rise…and sex and the brain are at the forefront of why this suffering , the loss of that lovin’ feelin’ occurs. According to  Michael Dansinger, MD, “Sexual desire starts out in the brain and works its way downwards because of chemicals known as Neurotransmitters(1). They increase communication between cells and trigger the bloodflow to one’s sex. The problem is that the communication between the chemicals do not function at their full capacity.”

Ways we can deal with Depression as a couple

*Most important advice I could ever give on this topic is that you should never say that he/she does not have depression. It is real and even though there are different levels of depression, we must show empathy when dealing with our loved one.

  1. Take a walk outside together. Take in the fresh air and get back your body awareness back.
  2. Eat healthily-sometimes I find it hard as when one is stressed/depressed we often go into comfort food mode(our hormones are taking full advantage, leading to an unawareness of what we are doing). Perhaps put some fruit/veg(cut into snack size bites) in a bowl as to support partner with this.
  3. Try to get enough sleep, roughly about 8 hrs, if not perhaps a power nap in the afternoon should help.
  4. And try to create an atmosphere conducive for some intimacy, such as cuddling, to keep love and intimacy alive.

*Another important note on the partner of the suffering person is that they should always remember to stay connected to themselves. Stay aware that he or she is well as dealing with this feeling/disorder can sometimes take a toll.

We must never judge our partner and always accept the feelings that they have manifested. And one day we will get that lovin feelin back with the loving support and respect for each other.

1. Michael Dansinger, MD, Sexual Problems and Depression, WebMD, 10/15/2016

 

 

From Mindless F***ing to Meaningful Love-Making

 

Sex and relationships today can be unnerving. And can even leave a mark on owns own health. From starting off on my sexual journey, sex was freakin’ awesome. Open, free to everything, an exhilirating feeling of one’s own feminine body. But then something happened, a break, a time where sex turned to shit. Rough, aggressive, demoralised sex thrown upon the body, not knowing the reprocussions held before me.

And now on to my most recent experiences, where sex had become somewhat painful, although I was with a man I loved and who loved me. Where was this coming from you might ask? Well, according to lawyer, turned Holistic Practioner/Sex Educator Diana Richardson, ´Each unpleasant sexual experience leaves a cellular imprint, a memory in the cells of the body, that creates a subtle barrier and layer of protection.´(1) I can attest to this in so many ways. A pattern of disconnected, aggressive, almost on the edge of abusive sex created a wall, a barrier inside myself. A rough, protective shield (vaginal muscle) that had known more of the demoralising, disheartening, unmindful sex, than the beautiful, connected, expanding, mindful love making. One never really knows about this pain until you start becoming aware of your body through sensual, loving , meaningful sex. The love making process eventually turned less and less painful, as both of us became more aware of ourselves and each other. Another synonymous word for this cellular imprint is Epigenetics. According to Dr. Rachel Yehuda, `It is the idea that when something bad happens to you there is this generated biological response.´(2)

There is a beautiful response to this imprint. Men and women need to be in touch with their bodys and be aware of the other. Slow down if you need to, check in with one another to make sure everything is ok. If not, change it, or stop. And no, meaningful sex does not mean we need to have slow sex everytime we make love so as we dont cause pain. It just means we need to do things with awareness, love and support. Then growth, healing and unending, deepening love comes into each one of us and overflows out into the world. Here is a beautiful look into what meaningful sex is all about

 

 

  1. Diana Richardson, Tantric Orgasm for Women (Vermont:Destiny Books, 2004) Ch.5, pg.60; Ch.6, pg. 72
  2. Pamela Madsen, The Effect Of Stress And Trauma On Female Sexuality, Huffpost,09/01/2016

 

 

Why this talk of Sex and Relationships NOW?

 

Relationships and especially SEX have always been on the list of things we are not supposed to talk about in public…well not now. We must talk about sexuality and how it has destroyed our world starting from hundreds/thousands of years before us. Look at what is going on with the Catholic Church, the metoo movement, etc…Now is the the time to end patriarchal society once and for all. To teach men that there are such things as boundaries, and that women have the power to say no. WE need radical change in the world at large, to accept we are all sexual beings without the fucking repression of years past.

Enough of the negativity on Sexuality, and on to actually changing ourselves, accepting our sexuality, which is our human right, which thus would in turn change the world as we know it.

Sexual Revolution 2.0